i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
