Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
