I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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