So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm too high and old for this...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize