Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
