when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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