No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
