She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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