The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
