he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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