So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
