so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
