just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize