I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
