Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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