Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
