In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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