she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
