After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
