So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
