Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
