3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
