Your face is a jimmy john
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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