There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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