He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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