I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
