take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize