saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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