Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My penis needs a shock collar
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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