his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
