I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
