my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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