every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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