I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize