Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
