She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The air was thick with penises
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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