Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
