first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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