Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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