Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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