I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
