the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
