why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So squirting runs in the family.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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