32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
