I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
