Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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