No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
