dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
babies were throwing up all over the place
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
