your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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