How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
