I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize