your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
