I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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