shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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