She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
