i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
