Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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