Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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