just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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