I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sext me about skeletons
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
