i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
