Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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