I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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