is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
