probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
